The year was 1984. That week in August, the number one hit on the radio (remember the radio?) was “Ghostbusters” (but, to be fair, Prince had more number one hits in 1984 than anyone else). Big hair was “in”. Paul was telling me people would have computers in their homes, and I said,
“What would anyone use a computer for at home?”
Nobody had cell phones, long distance phone calls were expensive, and e-mail was not a thing among ordinary people. For the past two years, Paul and I had been writing letters to each other during periods of separation. My Grandmother and I also wrote letters to each other. We used paper maps and trip-tiks for long journeys. The Michelin guides (green paper books) were indispensable for an overseas trip. Friends for ten years, Paul and I had mostly lived together for almost two years and had no intention of getting married. As we said to each other,
“We’re not religious, and the state has no business in our relationship.”
Then, on a road trip to Cape Cod, Paul said,
“Maybe we should get married. It would be nice to have a party.”
“Ok”, I said.
And with that, a wedding was planned. During that trip, I saw a gold band with one dark blue sapphire ring in a Cape Cod goldsmith’s window and said,
“I’d like that for my wedding ring.”
It cost more money than I ever imagined I would spend on anything. But we bought it, and asked them to make another one for Paul. I have worn it every day since.
We got married before a judge in Pike County, Indiana, and had a reception at my parents’ home called Twin Oaks, just outside of Oakland City, Indiana, where my mother was a Civil Rights lawyer and where I held my first legal job. I bought a dress for $23 at a department store (it had sleeves I didn’t like and no belt, so I removed the sleeves and made them into a belt). We made our invitations and favors, and relatives brought in food from Colonel Sanders’ homestyle restaurant named after Sanders' wife, Claudia, located in Shelbyville, Kentucky. A dear friend, Pat Thorne, made the wedding cake to match the colors in Georgia O’Keefe’s “Poppies” print, which was the card we used for the invitations. I had wanted it simple, because it was my second marriage (though Paul’s first).
As a wedding gift, Paul's family hosted a second reception in Chicago, so their family and friends could attend. It was at a Chinese restaurant and quite lovely.
And, now, here we are, 40 years later. Since we were married, we’ve lived in Noblesville & Indianapolis, Indiana, Dayton, Ohio, and East Lansing, Lansing, Fenton, and Okemos in Michigan. We raised two wonderful children who are all grown up leading happy lives with wonderful partners. A little over two years ago, we became full-time travelers. Our son married in 2018, and, in 2024, our daughter married in a beautiful ceremony in Louisville, Kentucky.
In mid-August, Paul and I took to the road in a Subaru Forester we bought in January (and which we plan to sell later this year) to explore the West. We rode across Michigan, Minnesota, South Dakota, and Montana to the mountains near Glacier National Park. There, we met our children and their partners for a 40th anniversary celebration.
I find that words fail me when I try to describe the simple joy of spending five days with our kids. They are fun, interesting, and enthusiastic. Everyone’s a good cook, and we took turns making meals for each other in an Airbnb in Coram, Montana. We had long talks. We visited Glacier National Park several times. There was a lot of love in that house.
