Re-visiting Kuala Lumpur & Malaysia. 7 things we didn't notice the first time

This year, we've had the pleasure of re-visiting some places we visited in 2023. In 2023, we spent a month in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. This time, we will have lived here 5 months when we depart May 17, 2025. When you revisit a place, you can dig deeper into the culture and experience of being there, which can be more relaxing. There is sufficient familiarity that you're not constantly figuring out how things work. You're less likely to feel like you're going to miss some tourist spot, and can just live. Here are some things we missed the first time around.

1. Go with the flow

   When we were here before, we were appalled by the chaotic nature of the traffic, the transit lines, and the walkways for pedestrians. But now that we've been here for several months, we see patterns we didn't see before.

   
   

   Let's start with the traffic. We take a lot of ride-share trips; here, the app we use is called "Grab." At first, we were extremely nervous. The cars wind in and out of the lanes quickly, often stopping just as quickly. Motorbikes whiz by on both sides - and there are a lot of motorbikes. Paul says, "It's like bees buzzing on both sides!" When merging, drivers often wait until the last minute then wedge their way in.

   
   

   

   photo of highway traffic midnight, 12/31/24

   Walking and swimming patterns are similar. When I was swimming laps in a pool that had lots of other people, I wondered why groups of people kept crossing over the pool when I (and sometimes others) were clearly swimming at the edge in one direction. I kept having to move the line of my lane. But the thing is, people almost never bump into each other - not on the road, not on the sidewalk, not in the pool. We've never seen a road accident. Someone explained it as a "go with the flow" attitude. It's like a school of fish or a flock of birds - you wind in and out where there is space to do so. You are spatially aware - always - of other people. Once I figured this out, I have come to realize that this actually works. We were told this same idea occurs in a lot of Asia. The West is much more linear, by contrast. A cursory look at vehicle accidents in Kuala Lumpur (pop. 8.8 million in 2023) and the state of Michigan, where we are from (pop. 10 million in 2023) shows a much higher accident rate in Michigan than in KL. Now this doesn't account for weather (snow and ice half the year versus always hot but very stormy), but it does tend to indicate that this go with the flow method is probably not more dangerous.

   
   

   When we were here in 2023, we thought the transit system was disorganized and difficult to figure out. Now that we've spent time living in two different parts of the city, we understand how it works and it feels pretty easy. There are several different companies that run the train lines - MRT, LRT, Monorail, and a few others we haven't used. But the trains interconnect, so it doesn't really matter which line you're using. The lines are clearly marked on all the maps and in the transfer stations. Best of all, you use the same card to access all of the train lines (except the inter-city trains, where you have to buy a ticket). We each bought a card at Watson's Pharmacy (they're all over the city) and put MYR100 (which is about $23 USD) on it a few days after we got here in November. We didn't realize how many trips that would give us. One train ride costs between 20 cents and 50 cents USD, depending on the length of the ride. We've traveled all over the city, and even use our transit card frequently to take a short-cut through the train station (more on that in a minute), and we still have about MYR 25 left on the card. That will give us about 15 more trips, more than we will need for the little less than a week we have left here.

   
   

   As for walking, we were perplexed when we were here before. Many of the streets are like highways, with multiple lanes of traffic, no crosswalks, and cars darting in and out quite quickly. But this time around we've discovered all the overpasses. Once you know where they are and where they go, it is not so difficult to walk around. Many of the overpasses have escalators going up. The trick is knowing where they are. Since mid-March, we've been staying in an apartment that is a few blocks then across the street from a couple of malls. The first time we walked there, we had to go down a couple of additional blocks to climb stairs up an overpass (which can be dreadful in 96F heat with 80% humidity). Then we had the great idea of using our transit pass to go through the subway station instead. That was a straight line - up the block, then up the escalator, through the station, into the mall. A good deal at a cost of less than 50 cents. The malls are where all the grocery stores and many less expensive restaurants are. Plus bookstores, cinemas, and so on. Now walking seems much easier. Find the flow - and go with it.

2. Calm, friendly people

   The "go with the flow" attitude extends to people's interactions with other people, as well. When Paul describes Malaysians, he always starts with "calm." We then add, "friendly," and "kind." People here seem relaxed and happy. They are kind and gentle with their children, and the children are kind to us. There is a sincere curiosity about us. People feel free to ask lots of questions. Why are we here? Do we like Malaysia? Do we like the food? When we tell people how much we've enjoyed being here, they are quietly happy. These conversations occur everywhere - in shops, at the pool, in the elevator, and at restaurants. We've actually made friends here, people we've seen several times and engage with. These are friendships that I believe will last. We made long-lasting friends in New Zealand, who are also a very friendly people. We also made friends in Australia. But, those grew mostly from my work. We talked about how friendly the Fijians are, but their friendliness is boisterous and big. Here, people are quietly friendly. And, they remember us. The woman at the print shop asks where my husband is when I return for the third time to get something scanned. The woman at the coffee shop that is closing tells us she is so sorry, she knows how much we like buying their coffee beans. We even had a Grab driver once pick us up, and the first thing she said was, "I know you! I picked you up before. You're the couple that were so engrossed in conversation you didn't see me arrive the other time." After we talked a few more minutes, and she said something about Japan, Paul said, "My mother was Japanese." She said, "Yes, I know. Don't you remember? I asked you if you were Chinese?" "Oh," Paul said, "now I remember you!" I went back to Antekesuma, the batik shop where I think the best batik in KL is made, to buy a few items to take home. Izen said "I hope you consider me a friend." And I do.

   

   
   

   One of my doctors and I hit it off, and we're having lunch before we leave KL. We've dined with our friends Chef Brandon, his sous-chef Randy, and their friends. I talked about them here, and their restaurant, Dot's Cafe, which I highly reccomend.

   
   

   

   
   

   I sincerely hope some of these folks can visit us in Lisbon. Our door will be open. To show my gratitude to these warm and friendly people, I have recorded a Malaysian folk song at the end of this post. I'll explain more about the song at the end.

3. Clouds have their own personalities

   When we got here in mid-November, we had a beautiful view of the sunset from our high-rise. After a few days, Paul said, "Even the clouds here have their own personalities!" I get what he meant. I posted photos from that view here. After we returned from Singapore, we moved into a different high-rise in a different neighborhood, Bukit Bintang. The cloud views have been equally spectacular. Just look. Most of these photos are from our apartment, but a few are taken from the street. Most were taken at sunset, but a few were taken at dawn. The final photo is a picture of a painting that hangs in the National Art Gallery of Malaysia.

   
   
   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   

   
   
   

4. The Sounds of the City

   In 2023, we didn't notice the richness of the sounds that are the mosaic of this city. The first two times we stayed here, we weren't especially close to a mosque. In this building, we look at a mosque out our window.

   
   
   

   
   
   

   We hear the call to prayer several times a day. I suppose the only place I had ever been where there were frequent calls to prayer was Morocco (and I was only there overnight), and the sound wasn't especially pleasant. It was tinny and loud. This mosque offers beautiful singing. The calls are lyrical and melodic and sung with a lilting, beautiful tone. Each one sounds a little different. The closest thing I've heard to it is the sound of monks singing in a monastery.

   
   

   Outside our window on the other side I hear music some mornings. At first, I thought it was a men's choir singing Christian hymns. But then I looked down one day and saw the KL police hub, where the officers line up for exercises. The song is, I think, something patriotic that is played on a high quality speaker to synchronize their movements and promote morale. The singers are in multi-part harmony and it is lovely.

   
   
   

   
   
   

   We occasionally hear music from the mall across the street. It is more like pop music. During holidays the malls played continuous Christmas music, then continuous Chinese music, then continuous Ramadan music, etc. Then there's the ballad sung in the Don Don Donki store, of the quest for the perfect Japanese nostalgic place, which happens to be Don Don Don, Donki.....Sometimes I hear a distant, muted beat of club music somewhere in the neighborhood on a Saturday night. We also hear the frequent bump, bump, bump of the train leaving the nearby station and traveling down the track that also runs under our window. We hear motorcycles and cars in the distance. An old church at the base of the Merdeka building rings church bells on the hour.

   
   

   

   
   

   Then there are the sounds of so many different languages. We dined in an outdoor restaurant, and we heard people speaking Malay, Tamil, and English. We regularly hear Chinese. On our elevators, we've heard Dutch and French as well as Malay, Tamil, Chinese, and English. This language tapestry is common. The official language of Malaysia is Bahasa Malay, but English is used in universities and some legal arenas. Malaysia has137 living languages spoken today. (Note: I have edited this to indicate Malaysia is about 13 in the world for language diversity). Of those, the most common are Malay, English, dialects of Chinese, and Tamil. When we take a Grab (the local ride-share), the drivers are most commonly ethnic Malay, Indo-Malay, or Chinese-Malay. The Chinese drivers almost always have the GPS speaking in Chinese, and their radios are either in English or Chinese. The Indian drivers usually have the GPS set to English, but in a British accent. They are playing Indian music. The Malay drivers almost always have their GPS set to American English. The American pronunciation of street names is cringeworthy - my accent is better. I was curious about why the Malay drivers use the American GPS - generally speaking, more Malay-speaking Malaysians have trouble with English than either Chinese or Indian. A Malay driver told me it is because the GPS accent in Malay is even worse. "We can't understand what they're saying," he said. I say, "Google, you need to up your game".

   
   

   When we visited the National Art Gallery of Malaysia, we enjoyed a video by Penang artist Chew Win Chen (also known as Okui Lala, who explores the Malaysian language mix. In her video, called "My Language Proficiency", she presents a speaker panel, each of whom is herself, but each speaking a different Malaysian language. The "panelists" spoke in English, Hokkien, Malay, and Mandarin. We could only understand the English, but the reactions of the "different" panelists while each one speaks are priceless. You can read about her project here.

   

   
   

5. Size

   I don't think we fully appreciated how big KL is. The 2025 population of greater KL is estimated to be 9 million people. By contrast, when Malaysia achieved its independence in 1957, the population was only 316,000. It is growing rapidly. We have felt the excitement of an expanding, bustling, city. It offers a diverse array of shopping, restaurants, and parks, and an impressive literary and arts scene. I wrote about the literature here, and learned there is a venue that hosts literary readings by and for local writers monthly. As slow travelers, we spread out tourist experiences, but we have had a wide range to choose from. A person would not get bored living here. We even met a drummer in a jazz band who was driving a Grab car. He said he didn't do it for the money, but to spread the word about the arts in KL.

   
   
   

   
   
   

6. Art

   When we first visited Kuala Lumpur, the only museum we visited was the Islamic Arts Museum of Malaysia. I am no scholar of Islam. But from what I have read, many Islamic teachings bar the depiction of animate objects- people, animals, growing nature. That idea was honored in the Islamic Arts Museum, where we saw many beautiful geometric designs and domes, intricate carvings, and calligraphy.

   
   
   

   

   
   
   

   We were thus under the misunderstanding that there were no other art museums in Malaysia, since Islam is the state religion. This is not accurate. We have visited four museums this time around, and we've seen a variety of art.

   
   

   The largest art museum is the National Art Gallery of Malaysia, located in Kuala Lumpur. The museum pulls together art from a variety of ethnic groups in Malaysia to depict a Malaysian artistic heritage that honors all of the traditions. One can clearly see images that hail from Malay, Chinese, Indian, and colonial British traditions. The museum is free and has a cafe with wonderful food and coffee.

   
   

   One group of paintings depicts various demons and spirits from the different Malaysian traditions:

   
   
   

   

   

   

   

   Another set wrestle with the legacy of foreign imperialists taking Malaysia's resources. I found the painting, entitled, "Mr. Foreign Speculators Stop Damaging our Country" by Kow Leong Kiang (1998) especially powerful. It depicts three Malaysian children of different ethnic backgrounds, looking the viewer in the eye. It is the first photo below.

   
   
   

   

   

   Many of the photos depicted Malaysian people, enjoying time with their friends and families.

   
   
   

   

   

   Many others depict natural environments.

   
   
   

   

   

   

   

   

   
   
   

There was an entire section devoted to a Malaccan sailor named Enrique, who traveled with Magellan. Enrique, was enslaved when he was 14 by Magellan when the Portuguese conquered Malacca in 1511. He traveled with Magellan back to Portugal, eventually learning Portuguese and Spanish, and served as an interpreter for Magellan. He converted to Christianity. He traveled with Magellan when he circumnavigated the world. Magellan freed Enrique in his Will, and left him a good sum of money. It was pointed out that since Magellan died in the Philippines and thus did not complete the circumnavigation, it is believed Henrique returned to Malacca and thus might have been the first to complete the circumnavigation. Not surprisingly, neither Paul nor I had ever heard of Henrique. History is, indeed, told by the victors, but sometimes local historians can correct the record.

On the top floor of the museum, there is a digital lab display, and an area for children to create art. The picture of us at the top of this post was created digitally in that area, and was free. The entire museum is very kid-friendly, with certain pieces of art hanging low with signs that read "child level".

The other art museum we visited was on the island of Penang. We visited Penang for 3 days, staying over two nights. We really enjoyed the art there, ranging from traditional to contemporary. My favorite was a piece of batik art called, "Lullaby", by Chuah Thean Teng, Dato'. It is the first photo below.

The third art museum we visited was a small, contemporary private gallery in KL called UR-MU@Toffee, Raja Chulan. UR-MU means "Urban Museum". There are two of them in KL, but we did not visit the one in Bukit Bintang. We wanted to see an exhibit on Le Courbusier, the architect. We enjoyed the models of his buildings and learned a lot about them. We also saw a lot of political art in this museum - much more so than in the government galleries.

The fourth museum we visited was not an art museum, but because it is a history museum, there was art and artifacts in it. The National Museum is a museum of history, culture, and art. It tells the story of Malaysia, going back to indigenous people through the present. From early indigenous residents, to Chinese, Indian, Portuguese, Dutch, British, and Japanese, you can see the story of migration, imperialism, and the modern multi-culturalism. It is a fascinating story.

7. A city of contradictions

The first time we came here, we were intimidated by our stereotypes of a Muslim country. I remember seeing so many of the women wearing hijab, and wondering if I would look inappropriate. I felt self-conscious. I had also read about some policies in Malaysia that, frankly, seem authoritarian, and wondered if people here would seem downtrodden. The two policies that struck me were the criminalization of homosexuality, and the designation of all ethnic Malays as Muslim, and any non-ethnic Malay who marry an ethnic Malay must become Muslim. Malay Muslims are favored by policy in a variety of ways. Those are still policies that do not comport with my personal moral code.

But, people here do not seem downtrodden. Everyone we meet seems relaxed. Although it is not required, virtually all Muslim women wear hijab. But, they are bright, colorful, and coordinated. I saw a teenage girl wearing a slate-blue hijab with orange stripes that matched her slate-blue sneakers with orange stripes. Many of the men on their way to Friday afternoon services at the mosque are wearing different color tunics and sometimes prayer caps. There is independence in this attire. Women's faces are not covered. Most Chinese Malaysians dress like Westerners. They wear jeans, T shirts, shorts, short-sleeve tops, etc. Many Indian Malaysians wear Western attire, but sometimes women wear saris and men wear traditional attire, especially at night. There is more variety in attire here than perhaps anywhere I have lived. There is also more variety in skin tones than anywhere I have lived. When we return to the U.S., it will seem odd to be surrounded by so many people with pale skin like mine. We came this time, in large part, for affordable medical care not covered by our insurance in the U.S. Three of the four doctors we have seen are women. At the hospital, we see Chinese, Indian, and ethnic Malay staff. All speak English, and are helpful and curious. They explain patiently and clearly ,and answer all our questions. None of this fits my previous stereotype of a Muslim state. As a side note, for those who wonder, a visit with a specialist costs about $45 USD for the initial visit, $25USD after that. The cost of a general practitioner, about $44 USD including lab work and medication.

Of course, everything is not perfect as it might appear on the surface. The city has plenty of problems that are not obvious to the average tourist. LGTBQI people live and work in KL. They are not publicly "out", because it is dangerous. But there are support organizations here that serve that community. When we were here in 2023, an English rock singer at a music festival here kissed another man on stage to make a point. He was deported rather quickly. I remember reading that the local gay activists felt the stunt impaired reform. They work quietly on moving the needle, behind the scenes. We feel it is inevitable that they will eventually achieve success, because people are genuinely respectful of diversity here. Thailand, the neighbor on Malaysia's northern border, legalized same-gender marriage this year, and the joyful celebrations were all over the news. We donated to one organization - PLUHO, People Like Us Hang Out - which provides support for gay Malaysians. You can donate here. A little bit goes a long way.

You can see public officials struggling with the balance. This is a constitutional monarchy. The King and Queen are rotated among Muslim Malay Sultans from each State - some selected through elections and some through heredity. There is a robust elected parliament, and public debate on many policy issues. We have followed interesting conversations while we've been here about diversity and inclusion. There is a real pride - we hear this often from our Grab drivers - about the diversity in Malaysia. What makes it different from the concept in the West, I think, is that the cultures have thrived side by side for over a thousand years here. Even the British, as far as I can tell, didn't try very hard to make them assimilate. Each has its own religious expression, its own rituals, holidays, food, attire, and habits. And most Malay are happy to enjoy the food and celebrations of the other cultures. In our neighborhood, we see Chinese shrines, a mosque, and Indian restaurants. In nearby Chinatown, we see Chinese temples but also a huge Hindu temple. In Brickfields, the Indian part of town, there are many Hindu temples but also Chinese temples and mosques. You can buy Chinese silk, Malay batik, or Indian sari cloth. During Chinese New Year in January, the Prime Minister shot down suggestions that rules be developed for Muslims attending non-Muslim religious events, such as Chinese New Year or Thaipusam, an Indian holiday. He said Muslims know how to celebrate with their neighbors without participating in the religious parts. It is a respectful, practical approach to allowing each culture to keep its essence, yet showing respect. People here are modern and educated.

Stereotypes and assumptions are dangerous things. For example, because of my assumptions, I was surprised to learn that in Malaysia, it is legal for a woman to obtain an abortion if in her doctor's judgement carrying the pregnancy is a danger to the mother's life or physical or mental health, and that deference is given to the doctor in consultation with the patient. Islamic law here allows an abortion in the first 120 days for the same reasons, and later if the mother's life is in danger. So in this Muslim country, women have more rights to bodily autonomy than in the United States. It is complicated. I often remind myself of the Bob Dylan line, "Don't criticize what you don't understand...."

On a less weighty note, we also see physical contradictions in the modern city and the old city, side by side. There are many tall, impressive, modern buildings. Some of the more famous are the Petronas Twin Towers, the KL Tower, and the Merdeka building.

But in other parts of the city, you see old shop houses, and places where the jungle is pushing its way back in. And sometimes these areas are right next to the modern ones.

Sometimes I've been surprised by very modern concepts, like autism awareness days at a local mall.

It's a place where the mocktails are as plentiful and beautifully presented as the cocktails, because not all of the cultures drink alcohol, but some do. And restaurants always indicate if they are Halal or not Halal (conforming to Muslim food practices).

So these are our thoughts on our return to Kuala Lumpur. We have been very comfortable, and welcomed, and accepted here. But we realize that not everyone we know can feel that way in this country. Hence the contradiction. We know these are people of enormous good will, and as we leave, we wish them all the best.

The song, Rasa Sayang, is an old Malay folk song. It is also an old Indonesian folk song. Like the origin of the Pavlova (disputed for a long time by New Zealand and Australia), the origin of this folk song is similarly contested. Seems the best guess is that is originated in Indonesia, created by ethnic Malays living in Indonesia following Malay poetic structure called pantun. It is well known and loved in Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, Brunei, and the Philippines. The words speak of love and gratitude, and I dedicate this song to our Malaysian friends. You can see many versions on YouTube. One I really like is a modern, a capella version by Colour of Voices. A more traditional version, by an Indonesian band, Deredia, can be found here. A careful listener will notice that the verses aren't all the same for these two versions, or in my version. I used verses one source called "typical Malay verses."

You can see me sing this song here.